The King's Daughter—Part 4—Spheres of Influence

Psalm 45

This series of articles was inspired by my journey of discovering God's eternal love, which set me free. This piece discusses how God considers His daughters precious and valuable. I wrote and arranged these lessons for a women's conference our church hosted. This study centers on the following portion of Scripture.

Kings' daughters are among Your honorable women;
At Your right hand stands the queen in gold from Ophir.
Listen, O daughter,
Consider and incline your ear;
Forget your own people also, and your father's house;
So the King will greatly desire your beauty;
Because He is your Lord, worship Him.
And the daughter of Tyre will come with a gift;
The rich among the people will seek your favor.
The royal daughter is all glorious within the palace
Her clothing is woven with gold.
She shall be brought to the King in robes of many colors;
The virgins, her companions who follow her, shall be brought to You.
With gladness and rejoicing they shall be brought;
They shall enter the King’s palace.

— Psalm 45:9-15

Sometimes, one of the most significant challenges for women is believing they are loved. Many of us have spent much of our lives trying to convince ourselves we are truly loved through the drama of our relationships.

On this leg of my journey, I have concluded that true, eternal, everlasting love can only be realized through a relationship with our Father in Heaven through His Son, Jesus Christ.

Some of us have entered into that relationship but have not truly understood our position as the King's daughters or fully grasped the emotional depth of His love. This understanding is God's will in Christ Jesus.

... that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.

— Ephesians 3:17

This portion of the study is not intended to diminish our responsibility and accountability for the effects of our sins. Our sins are just as damaging to our lives and spiritual health as those committed against us. However, this portion of the message will mainly address the roadblocks, including the effects and influences of external events and sources, that may be preventing us from accurately comprehending the truth of God's love for us.

Spheres of Influence

"Forget your own people and your father's house"
— Psalm 45:10

"Your own people" refers to the relationships in life where we have embraced and invested ourselves. Consequently, they have had a certain level of influence in our lives. They could have been our spouse, relatives, or close friends. They were essentially the people we looked up to and admired—anyone whose opinion we valued and embraced.

"Your Father's house" refers to the prevailing influences in our family of origin. What did we conclude about ourselves while living in our family of origin? Maybe growing up, you felt ignored, disliked, or perhaps not worth someone's time or attention.

Many of us have been influenced by patterns of experience that may have shaped how we see God, ourselves, and the world around us. These experiences, and how we interpret them, are critical to our "God perception," which strongly influences our self-perception. An incorrect "God" perception results in an inaccurate self-perception.

"We cannot consistently behave in ways that are different from what we believe about ourselves."
— Kenneth Boa, "Conformed to His Image"

Just as God has had a plan and intention for us from eternity, the enemy has an assignment to kill, steal, and destroy it. (John 10:10) He works subtly, deceiving us with lies about the world around us and what certain events might mean about us, in a grave attempt to get us to destroy ourselves. He intends to rob us of our true identity. It was the first game in the Garden when the serpent told Eve:

"For God knows that in the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”
— Genesis 3

She was already like God. She was created in His image and given dominion over creation alongside her husband.

When Jesus was in the wilderness facing temptation, the devil's first words to Him were, "If you are the Son of God ...". The devil sought to unravel Him by questioning His identity, hoping to thwart God's plan and purpose, just as he had done in the Garden.

The game hasn't changed much and remains the same for each individual. Restoring God's image in us is vital to our spiritual health and growth.

... the mystery which has been hidden from ages and generations, but has now been revealed to His saints. To them God willed to make known what the riches of the glory of this mystery among the Gentiles: which is Christ in you, the hope of glory are.
— Colossians 1:26-27

God shows us that some things may distort our view of Him and create an inaccurate picture of Him, ourselves, and the world around us, shaped by our preconceived ideas. We give birth to insecure reactions and responses that are sometimes sinful, certainly unhelpful, and that only perpetuate the lies already within us. How might this misperception occur regarding our own people and our father's house?

Mikael Haggstrom

Thought Incubating

In his book, The Purpose and Power of a Woman, Myles Monroe describes a woman's ability to conceive, carry a baby, and bring forth life, which illustrates how we can incubate thoughts. Our thoughts, in turn, give birth to perceptions and actions.

Pregnancy is a remarkable process that redirects the woman's entire body's focus and efforts toward developing the new life within her womb. He suggests that this ability is an integral part of her nature, permeating all areas of her life.

Women possess the incredible ability to incubate. We incubate words, thoughts, and emotions. We internalize and process them until we reach a conclusion. We then birth whatever we have married together in our minds and internalized in our hearts. This process can be good or bad.

The verse says specifically "father's house." What negative messages about our value did we conceive, incubate, and misinterpret? Did we have experiences and events we internalized and interpreted as declarations about our identity and self-worth?

No one has had perfect parents. The intent is not to blame our families of origin. If we did, we would have to go back to our very first parents. The purpose of seeing this is to understand how we put things together that aren't always true. The events of our lives matter less than the messages we carry from them.

I heard a phrase at a group I once attended: "Take responsibility for your life." Whether you are the victim or the perpetrator of your misery, take responsibility by deciding what you will do with it from this day forward. For many of us, life circumstances and relationships were not confirmed by life-giving affirmations. Yet God never intended any of these relationships, or even circumstances, to dictate our lives or our position. This desire in us, and others' inability to fulfill it, signals that we should seek our significance in the only One who can satisfy this need.

And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth, and has determined their pre-appointed times and the boundaries of their dwellings, so that they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him and find Him, though He is not far from each one of us ...
— Acts 17:26-27

Distorted Visions of Love

This is a poem that I wrote about how I once perceived love before understanding the depths of God's love for me. Some of you may be able to identify with it.

I am put up with out of sheer obligation
Pledged to behold me in mere toleration
Actually, I bring about much agitation
Provoking one's love to much irritation

Speculations of disappointing His graces
An insignificant speck in a sea of faces
Generically cared for in most of the cases
Left foraging crumbs in a host of poor places

I am here to tell you that His love is unlike anything mentioned above. His love is everything you have ever dreamed of.

A Metaphor From Nehemiah

Back to the prevailing influences and how they work—I used to think I had a sign over my life inviting certain adverse circumstances. I was shocked to learn that it was true. We inevitably attract relationships and situations that confirm and reinforce what we already believe about ourselves.

We continually broadcast what we believe through our body language, attitudes, speech, and behavior. This problem could change if we dared to step away from the familiar path of thoughts we have followed for so long and see the sign God has placed over our lives.

He brought me to the banqueting house,
And his banner over me was love.

— Song of Solomon 2:4

Our ideas of ourselves should never have been and should not now be based on our own conclusions, which are themselves based on the thoughts, ideas, experiences, or treatment of others. The only sure and dependable foundation is esteem built on God's thoughts toward us, brought to us by the Words and Truths revealed in Scripture. (Matthew 7:24-27 - a wise man who built his house upon a rock)

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!

— Psalm 139:17

What thoughts have we been incubating all our lives that bear fruit of insecurity, shame, self-loathing, and self-disgust? Have we drawn conclusions about ourselves that tell us we are invisible, unworthy of time, attention, love, or kindness? Are the babies we embrace born from our union with these thoughts, singing melodies and chanting about how little and insignificant we are? It is time to divorce these thoughts and send their children packing.

In the book of Nehemiah, the Israelites were returning from 70 years of captivity (70 years represents a generation or a lifetime). What prevailing influences have dominated our lives?

They were attempting to rebuild the temple destroyed by enemy invasion, much like our souls' state apart from Him. When we eventually return to the one and only real source of our esteem, the Holy Spirit begins a renovation project, building up a place where He can reside within us.

Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?
— 1 Corinthians 6:19

During this reconstruction project, it was discovered that many of the priests had married foreign wives and had children with them, which was leading them astray from the truths of the Lord. Once this was revealed, they were told to divorce these foreign wives and send them away with their children. If we look at this symbolically, God is showing us that we embraced and even married into thoughts and ideas that were foreign to the image of God in us during our captivity. (Wives can symbolize something with significant influence.) Through that process, we bore children (the product of that union) or conclusions that did not reflect the truth about Him and us. He is saying, "Forget" divorce and put away all the thoughts we have clung to that we thought had such vital meaning and bore such immeasurable influence, and send the children (conclusions born from those thoughts that have shaped how we see ourselves and God) packing.

The hard part is that our feelings are so desperately tied to the thoughts and ideas we have embraced for so long, and so many of us have invested in them that letting them go is difficult. It can be tricky at times to sever those kinds of relationships.

I don't believe for a second that God is encouraging divorce in this example, considering He hates divorce, according to Malachi. It is an example of cutting off ties that keep us from Him. The point I make with this story is that our problem is not our spouse or children. Our real dilemma is our relationship with God. The real problem is that we have decided we are not loved, cared for, and adored because things aren't going our way or people are treating us poorly.

I can recall early in my relationship with my husband that I was sure that if he treated me the way I needed to be treated, I could feel good about myself. It was so frustrating because it seemed like he was trying to do what he was supposed to do, but at times it felt like he was prevented from meeting my expectations. I began to conclude that maybe the problem wasn't with him. Not that he didn't have his own issues or that he was perfect, but I learned he wasn't the solution to my heart's deep insecurities.

The Woman At the Well Exhibit

The woman said to Him, “Sir, You have nothing to draw with, and the well is deep. Where then do You get that living water? ... Jesus answered and said to her, “Whoever drinks of this water will thirst again, but whoever drinks of the water that I shall give him will never thirst. But the water that I shall give him will become in him a fountain of water springing up into everlasting life.” The woman said to Him, “Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come here to draw.” Jesus said to her, “Go, call your husband, and come here.” The woman answered and said, “I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You have well said, ‘I have no husband,’ for you have had five husbands, and the one whom you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.”

— John 4:11-17

The woman in the above narrative was obviously searching for her life, identity, and esteem via relationships. Some of us have to wait for a series of circumstances to come and prove that we are everything we want to believe about ourselves. We think that contentment will come when our problems are solved. Our loving heavenly Father invites us into fellowship with Himself. This fellowship with Him provides perfect peace, contentment, and joy, whether our husbands ever live up to our expectations or the people around us treat us one way or the other.

As long as our happiness centers on our past experiences or present circumstances, we will not "see" the kingdom of God. Galatians 5:21 says those walking in the flesh do not see the kingdom of God, meaning that focusing only on what we see and basing our thoughts, ideas, actions, and reactions on our limited understanding will blind us to the true provision God has for us.

Let the wicked forsake his way,
And the unrighteous man his thoughts;
Let him return to the LORD,
And He will have mercy on him;
And to our God,
For He will abundantly pardon.
“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the LORD.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.

— Isaiah 55:7-9

In the verse above, God invites us to rise above the plane of our personal experiences and interpretations. The word "wicked" used in the verse comes from an Old English word meaning to twist, like the "wick" of a candle. When we rely on our own thoughts and those of others, our views and conclusions become "twisted." God sincerely desires to make these crooked places straight.

Every valley shall be exalted
And every mountain and hill brought low;
The crooked places shall be made straight
And the rough places smooth;

— Isaiah 40:4

The human brain's electronic circuit made by AI
by Dali E

The Territory of the Mind

The brain is like a landscape where thoughts are processed, forming valleys and mountains. The grooves in the brain can be compared to the mountains and valleys of the earth. Sometimes, deep trenches have been bored into our psyche, and many things seem to fall into them. The verse above describes how God wants to change the landscape of our minds by raising up the trenches that keep us from riding on the high places.

He makes my feet like the feet of deer,
And sets me on my high places.

— Psalm 18:33

The results of listening to everyone but God:

But this is what I commanded them, saying, ‘Obey (same Hebrew word as listen "shema") My voice, and I will be your God (speaks of His position in your heart), and you shall be My people. And walk in all the ways that I have commanded you, that it may be well (pleasure, beauty, and satisfaction) with you. Yet they did not obey or incline their ear, but followed the counsels (deliberations, determinations, and self-advice) and the dictates of their evil hearts, and went backward and not forward.
— Jeremiah 7:23-24

Suppose we listen only to, incline our ears to, and walk in the counsel and imagination of our own evil heart, based solely on what we see and experience in this natural realm. In that case, we are guaranteed to go backward, not forward, in our journey through life. But if we dare to look up and set our hearts on the things above what we think we know and see, we will move forward.

Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.
— Colossians 3:2

Queen Esther by Hugues Merle

So the King will greatly desire your beauty.

"The King is enthralled with your beauty"

— Psalm 45

The Lord desires us. He longs for us. He craves us and is waiting to enjoy us. I also see something in this verse. Beauty "is" already resident within us. He doesn't say, "Then you will be beautiful." He says that when we forget everything and everyone else and focus on Him and Him alone (which makes Him God to us), we will see His desire for us and the beauty already within us. We can't see it until we choose to forget.

Every woman's heart longs to know she is beautiful, desired, and pleasing. We long to be seen, heard, and considered. We have searched for it all our lives. We have looked for it in our relationships, experiences, careers, and accomplishments. We have rummaged through our pasts to find any evidence that we might be any of these things. Most of us were sorely disappointed as we gathered the evidence and concluded that it just wasn't so.

God's original eternal plan for a woman was to be a beautiful woman in a beautiful garden with unhindered, perfect fellowship with her God and her husband. The scene changes when the evil one offers to sketch different blueprints for her life based on forbidden knowledge (evil). The result was a shameful, marred image of herself.

We could spend countless hours digging through the hidden closets of our lives, examining memories we have stored up and the evils committed against us that helped fabricate this current view. Still, the bottom line is this: we have an enemy of our souls who hates us and has had an assignment against us since the day we were born to convince us that we are unlovely, undesirable, not right, and just not good enough through lies and circumstances.

But that is not the end of the story, and the devil doesn't get much credit, because a champion of our souls never gave up His eternal plan and destiny for us. His original plan for women has not changed.

“For I am the LORD, I do not change ...
— Malachi 3:6

He still sees us as the lovely creatures He created us to be. He still sees us as a beautiful reflection of Himself. And just as Eve had the opportunity to choose the fruit she ate, so did we have.

“See, I have set before you today life and good, death and evil,
— Deuteronomy 30:15

Let us now choose to eat from the tree of life. God says, "I already see you as lovely and beautiful, but what does it matter if you can't see me looking at you that way and if you continue to be mesmerized by lies?" The devil is a defeated foe. The enemy's only power over us is the power we give him by believing his lies. We conquer the territory of our souls by bringing them under Jesus' lordship and by believing the promises and truths about us in His Word. We must also crucify our human ways of trying to meet our hearts' needs. We don't crucify our needs. We crucify our human ways of getting them.

The thief does not come except to steal, kill, and destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
— John 10:10

We cannot change what has happened to us, nor can we change others' behaviors, but the one thing we can change is how we choose to think and process these events, past and present. However, we can take responsibility for our thoughts and how we choose to respond.

I will conclude this part with the Hebrew word study for the word "forget." The Hebrew word "forget' is the word "shachah שכח." This word is built with three Hebrew letters, "sheen ש," "caph כ," and "chet ח." The first letter, "sheen ש," is a picture of teeth and comes with the concept of devouring and destroying. The following two letters, "caph כ" and "chet ח," together form the Hebrew word for "power."

In the context of this verse, the word picture is deliberately forgetting the not useful, unproductive, and not supporting events, thoughts, and perceptions of the past, and destroying the power all of those things have had on our lives. To forget means you give it no more power.